I noticed this with the last person I dated, who had been with his ex-wife nearly 20 years. We were at the beginning stages of our dating, when we should be screwing like teenagers. However, even though we only saw each other about every other weekend, we would only have sex once or twice over the course of the weekend. I would have been happy to have sex pretty much constantly, yet he was okay with doing it much less often.
Perhaps the issue is that, once we've been married, we are searching for a certain level of comfort, for companionship, and the sex thing isn't the driving reason we partner up with people. Certainly, I can agree with that for myself. Although I have a higher libido than the average person, I too am looking for a partner with whom I can enjoy shared interests; it's not all about the sex. But good sex is a nice addition. Honestly, I can find companionship from my son, but there's obviously a whole area of passion that is not in that relationship. That's one of the reasons I would want a man in my life.
It seems that a married person (or perhaps someone with the experience of having been married) is happy with sex twice a week (sometimes it's more like twice a month!). Many that I know don't even prioritize sex anymore, which surprises me. I guess that, were I married again, I might fall into a twice-weekly pattern of sex, but I would hope that we would both be focused on having sex a little more often. When sex dies off, you start to get settled and forget why you're with the person in the first place.
What are your thoughts? Do you think marriage curses sex?
I always wonder when people talk about sex whether they are sometimes confusing sex with intimacy. I know that for myself, I like a lot of intimacy in a relationship, but sex for me is just ONE part of that, whereas for a lot of male friends, the only intimacy they recognize IS sex. Certainly we should hope to find a situation where our sexual desires are on par with one another, but if one person sees sex as the only type of intimacy and the other person sees many ways to achieve the same thing, the disconnect may be more in how they define intimacy than in how much they each want sex.
ReplyDeleteI know this rambled, so read it twice.
I agree that intimacy is good, but I'm strictly talking about sex. I like cuddling as much as the next person, but sex is where it usually falls apart. You can hug and have closeness without sex, but it's not he same for me.
DeleteI am so much into sex and appreciate my wife and my kids so much but i always feel like we dont have a lot of sex and this is putting more presure on my since my wife does not see this as a problem. We only have sex once a month or twice if i am lucky and the rest of the time i will just have the edge but cant get anyting since my wife does not feel the same way anymore. I read your article and fully agree that in a marriage you turn to get couples getting comfortable with each other and sex is no longer important for both or one will just get disconnected from each other . I started feeling as if i have a sexual disorder since i want my partner if possible twice or more per week .How do i get her to fall in love with me and be more intimate about having sex with me .
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