No Wonder Airlines Charge for Baggage

I am genuinely a very happy person. Like most of us, I have experienced some amazing highs and heartbreaking lows in my life—and I choose to continue to look at the bright side in everything. Sometimes, though, the littlest things can remind me how much baggage I truly carry.

My man is out of town this weekend for a family birthday party. We text daily, but we're both busy with our weekend activities. I went to sleep early last night, saying good night to him before I drifted off.

This morning, I awoke to a later good-night text from him, which was super sweet (as he always is). I also had a good-morning text waiting for me. And then I checked my email.

There was an email from D with the subject line: My Dear Amanda Lynn (his nickname for me after I told him I thought of giving myself the middle name Lynn before I realized that would make me a musical instrument). While an email from D should make my heart soar, I had a minor panic attack. Was it a "Dear John" letter? Did his weekend away convince him that he'd be better off without me?

Of course, I have absolutely zero reason to doubt D or his love for me. In the two months we've been dating, our feelings have only gotten stronger. He's not gone running for the door with anything I've said to him (no matter how unfiltered I can be), and he is sweet and kind at every turn. So it certainly wasn't for any reason he had given that my heart sank a little and I started to sweat at just seeing the email in my inbox.

The truth is that we all have preconceived notions and back-of-the-mind thoughts about everything. My nagging concern is that D will wake up one day and realize that this is who I truly am, then question why he ever spent time with me in the first place. It has nothing to do with him and everything to do with the baggage I carry in my heart and mind on a daily basis. And I am wise enough to know that it is not his job to help me sort through this baggage; that is something only I can do. But it is clearly going to take some time and some doing.

After I talked myself off the ledge and started breathing again, I opened the email. As expected, it was nothing short of wonderful. D told me how much he loves me and how amazing I am. It was heartwarming, as he always has been.

I don't know how long I'll have these nagging feelings at the back of my mind, but I do know that I wrestle with them daily. Honestly, this is the first relationship in which I feel more secure about his feelings and haven't worried as much as I have in the past—about everything. That broken heart that lives inside me knows that we can never truly know another person's heart, but I push through every day to remember that D loves me and I have no reason to worry.