Standing in My Power

This morning, I attended a women's networking event, and the presenter was talking about Achieve Mastery, a self-improvement program similar to all the other ones with which you're likely familiar. While listening to her teary-eyed speech about the effect this program had on her life—followed by three or four other people with similar stories—I realized...I'm there. I may not have yet increased my income five-fold, as one other person did, but I'm there. I've successfully changed the lens through which I view the world and am "standing in my power," as they say.

Was it Landmark? The Secret? Wayne Dyer? Private coaching? Whatever it was that finally got me off my ass and into the right gear is a welcome change. I'm not afraid anymore; I'm not taking things personally; I know that I am powerful and am making things happen.

I used to be doing okay, and then my schedule shifted when my son started kindergarten in 2011. I didn't have the time to network as I had, so my pipeline dried up. I harbored anger at my ex-husband about anything and everything, and I saw the effects in my business. I took a part-time job. Then I switched that with another one. I was lacking momentum and my work suffered. I was seeing nothing in the world of dating or men, and I was angry about that too.

Maybe it was the turn into 2013 that did it, but I recently declared, "No more." I continue to work on the goals I have for myself, and I now have a plan of attack to achieve them. I am not overwhelmed by creating possibilities for my life. I currently have three contract employees on my team, fulfilling my desire to add at least one by the end of 2012 (two of the three started in November). And today I did something I have never done: I got on the phone and called people who've not responded to my emails to keep moving on our projects.

Honestly, most of this happened within the last month or so, and I am pulling out all the stops. I am running promotions for my business and put an ad on Craig's List. I upped my social media presence for my brand and asked for help from friends (who have rallied because they're awesome). I got back on an online dating site and increased my social outings, choosing to look at a room for "yes" and "maybe" men as opposed to only seeing the "no" guys. I changed my inner voices to be powerful. I re-prioritized and found that I can go to one more networking event each week without cutting back the time I spend with my son.

Sure, it may sound a little crazy, but I truly am standing in my power. I am confident in what I'm doing, and I don't care if people laugh or disagree with me. It feels good to be successful, and I know that 2013 is bringing only the best things into my life. There's a reason I have a Wonder Woman tattoo, dammit. :-)

The Benefits of Playing the Field

Men are programmed to spread their seeds, while women are programmed to find a mate to father children. It's biology. But society has played with our biological urges for so long, and now everyone is completely confused about what we want in this relationship game. Yes, including me. After many a dating misstart, I am now in the game full force looking for a relationship. And how am I getting there? I'm learning the benefits of playing the field.

I've never been one to date a number of people at one time—ever. When I read Love in 90 Days, which suggests dating numerous men simultaneously, I thought, "How can I do that? I barely have time to date one!" Now I'm starting to understand what author Dr. Diana Kirschner was talking about; it makes a lot of sense for a woman to play the field, mostly because we are emotional creatures who tend to easily jump into relationships. It's like the book Are You My Mother? The lost little animal goes up to everyone he encounters asking, "Are you my mother?" Women tend to ask a similar question (at least in our heads) of all men: "Are you the one for me?" We're usually focused on the final outcome and forget to take the time to get to know a man before jumping. And most times, we completely freak out that man because we're too eager to move on to the next step.

Although I'm not a big fan of online dating, it's a good way to put myself out there, and I have been meeting a few people from that realm recently. I had a first date this week with DW and a second date with P. I've had a good time with both of them, but P has already been pushing the physical aspect: he volunteered to pick me up at my house for our second date, and after our drinks, he asked me back to his house for a nightcap. I'm not interested in sleeping with anyone until we have had the opportunity to build a solid foundation, so the answer to that query is a clear and decisive "no," but if I didn't have other options, would I have responded similarly?

Even though my drive for a relationship doesn't involve children, like it did a decade ago, I know that I am prone to make rash choices when it comes to men. I have been single 4 1/2 years now, so biological urges sometimes cloud my more rational ones. And since I have no desire to be intimate with more than one man, having two or three on my roster helps to keep me honest.

So for me, the benefits of playing the field are that I keep my head above water and focused on the task at hand. I don't jump too quickly into something that's less likely to last. And I don't add a physical component too soon. While it's a scheduling challenge sometimes since my son is always my #1 man, I'm willing to work through it to find just the right man to add to our circle.