The Benefits of Playing the Field

Men are programmed to spread their seeds, while women are programmed to find a mate to father children. It's biology. But society has played with our biological urges for so long, and now everyone is completely confused about what we want in this relationship game. Yes, including me. After many a dating misstart, I am now in the game full force looking for a relationship. And how am I getting there? I'm learning the benefits of playing the field.

I've never been one to date a number of people at one time—ever. When I read Love in 90 Days, which suggests dating numerous men simultaneously, I thought, "How can I do that? I barely have time to date one!" Now I'm starting to understand what author Dr. Diana Kirschner was talking about; it makes a lot of sense for a woman to play the field, mostly because we are emotional creatures who tend to easily jump into relationships. It's like the book Are You My Mother? The lost little animal goes up to everyone he encounters asking, "Are you my mother?" Women tend to ask a similar question (at least in our heads) of all men: "Are you the one for me?" We're usually focused on the final outcome and forget to take the time to get to know a man before jumping. And most times, we completely freak out that man because we're too eager to move on to the next step.

Although I'm not a big fan of online dating, it's a good way to put myself out there, and I have been meeting a few people from that realm recently. I had a first date this week with DW and a second date with P. I've had a good time with both of them, but P has already been pushing the physical aspect: he volunteered to pick me up at my house for our second date, and after our drinks, he asked me back to his house for a nightcap. I'm not interested in sleeping with anyone until we have had the opportunity to build a solid foundation, so the answer to that query is a clear and decisive "no," but if I didn't have other options, would I have responded similarly?

Even though my drive for a relationship doesn't involve children, like it did a decade ago, I know that I am prone to make rash choices when it comes to men. I have been single 4 1/2 years now, so biological urges sometimes cloud my more rational ones. And since I have no desire to be intimate with more than one man, having two or three on my roster helps to keep me honest.

So for me, the benefits of playing the field are that I keep my head above water and focused on the task at hand. I don't jump too quickly into something that's less likely to last. And I don't add a physical component too soon. While it's a scheduling challenge sometimes since my son is always my #1 man, I'm willing to work through it to find just the right man to add to our circle.