What Goes Around...

It's funny how we tend to repeat episodes of our lives, seemingly in an effort to get it right the next time. How many people have you dated who are just like the one you just ran screaming from? If you believe in reincarnation, you may think that we are doomed to do this repetitive dance each lifetime, always on a quest for perfection.

I am keenly aware of how I have repeated episodes of my life events, seeking some kind of resolution that will be better than the last try. I married the same type of man twice, both of whom had some similarities to my father. Talk about Daddy issues! Now, though, I am seeing my childhood repeat itself in some interesting ways that allow me the opportunity to put those hurt feelings to rest and let that little girl have some peace.

My mother and father divorced when I was 10, and my mom was a struggling single mom. By the time I was 37, I was in the same boat. I have persevered and moved through that bitterness of being a solo parent now (nearly five years later) and am starting to have something that resembles a co-parenting relationship with my son's father. Progress!

Now, I find myself falling for a single dad with two little boys. This mirrors my childhood since, after my parents divorced, I initially lived with my father for two years. He immediately married a woman with two daughters, putting me in the middle of this new family. I was a real-life Cinderella there, truly unhappy and unheard by my father. My son would be in the middle of DW's kids, making him the red-headed stepchild. Ironic, no?

I think the big difference here is that women tend to set the tone of a household. My stepmother naturally favored her girls and didn't much care for me. While I will naturally favor Patrick, I know that I have plenty of room in my heart for DW's boys. I am on intimate terms with the details of my life, and with a better lens, the knowledge that comes with experience, and a degree in child development, I am confident history will not repeat itself in this instance. I am focused on making this work and being a loving mom to Patrick as well as to DW's two sons. I know now that it is possible to acquire my own happiness while not giving the kids the short end of the stick. If our relationship progresses, we will be great together as a blended family and everyone will feel loved and appreciated.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results, but when one is aware of what one is doing, the whole story is open to change.