Dating or a Relationship?

I'm the first to admit that I'm not good at dating. I'm really good at being in a relationship, but that dating thing eludes me. It might be one of the reasons I've not "dated" many people; I have, however, been in a good number of relationships. This realization hit me the other day while looking at my "dating relationship" I'm in with DW.

In the first two months, I am immersed. I tell myself I am in love before I truly do love the other person, and I want to be with him constantly, almost like a parched person looking to him for water. This has one of two effects: (1) We build a codependent relationship and are both as immersed, or (2) I completely scare the crap out of him. Either way—although the first option may feel like a win—I'm setting myself up for disaster.

What I've discovered is that, if the man and I don't move in together immediately and are forced to take more time, I balance out around the third month. And surprisingly, the other person gets more into the relationship at that point. Case in point with DW: This week marks the third month we've been dating, and although I certainly want to talk to him, see him, and be with him, it's not out of a sense of urgent insecurity. DW, on the other hand, is calling and texting me more than during the first two months (when I felt like I had to ration out how often I communicated with him). Of course, this could also be because we've not had a weekend together for two weeks and have only seen each other once during that time, but I think it's more about how long we've been dating; we've had long breaks from each other in the past and they were different.

In the past, I've moved very quickly into a relationship, but since nothing ever lasted, that apparently wasn't the way to do it. With DW, circumstances have forced me to take more time, and thankfully, he has told me when I've made it feel like we're rushing and he's been freaked out. Yes, I'm certainly in a relationship now, but we have the added benefit of dating, which is really nice. There's no pressure to do anything other than be together and enjoy each other's company.

Of course, I'm still spaghetti to DW's waffle, and I want to include him in other aspects of my life. But he declines most of the time, in lieu of spending one-on-one time. I guess it's about time I learn to date and remain calm about the whole process. It's nice to allow it to unfold naturally.