Respect the Waffle

Recently, DW and I had a "discussion" about boundaries. Apparently, I have very few, and he has many. For me, I certainly have various components of my life, but they all meld together pretty well. For DW, however, he has everything compartmentalized: work, kids, alone time, me. Very rarely do those compartments of his life intersect.

So in I come with plans to go do things with the boys, looking ahead to the future so far that I've discussed us living together...and DW thinks I'm rushing, scared that all I'm after is a husband as soon a possible. Naturally, he got a little freaked out about the idea of his compartmentalized life coming together, especially when he feels like he has little say in the matter.

It seems this is a man's way of looking at the world. In speaking later to a male and female friend, it was described to me thusly: Women organize their life like spaghetti; everything is grouped together and blends well. Men, on the other hand, organize their life like a waffle, keeping everything separated. As the guy friend said, "Respect the waffle!"

It may go back to the fact that men seem more reluctant to change than women, so perhaps that's a reason behind the compartmentalizing. When they separate out parts of their lives, they have more control of things, keeping them the same longer if they remain in their own unique buckets. Women are natural multitaskers, going in and out of ideas and activities almost seamlessly, hence the spaghetti idea.

The end result of this conversation with DW, and the one that followed with my other friends, was that I am respecting the waffle. When I talk to DW about future plans or integrating things, I am better able to explain myself in a way that acknowledges his need for separation yet explains my spaghetti approach. And at the end of the day, it's that ability to communicate that makes all the difference in a relationship.