Laughter Breeds Love

Love can happen first with

     a LOOK across a crowded room,
     a TOUCH between two lovers,
     a GESTURE of affection when least expected.

But for me, while those things do help build love,
nothing makes love as deep and lasting as a laugh.

That little smirk the two of you share,
no words required.

A giggle during your most passionate times—
because something strikes you both as funny.

Bursts of uncontrollable laughter
about something crazy and random.

Laughter is the language of love.
Make me laugh, and I am yours.

Hindsight Leads to Second Guessing

We've all heard that hindsight is 20/20, but I call bullshit on that one. I know that we use the past as a tool from which to measure the present, but our viewpoint of our experiences is definitely clouded. When we're lonely, that not-so-great relationship seems not so bad; when we fall for a new person, we weigh him or her against those we've loved before. And all of this leads to second guessing what's going on now and what may transpire in the future. Frankly, it's exhausting.

But it's human nature.

I do it, and I see that the man I'm dating is doing it as well. We catch ourselves and avoid putting it all out there for each other to see. While our eyes clearly indicate that we love each other, and our desire to spend time together is evidence that we're looking to build something, neither of us has fully copped to it. Why is that? Well, I can't speak for him, but for me, I know it's about fear.

When I look back at my life, I can see that while I have loved many times, I was only truly in love twice. And since I'm with neither of those men, you can guess they ended—badly; with massive heartbreak. I'm not eager to repeat that feeling of utter loss and sadness. I am, however, very interested in creating something amazing that is long lasting and feeds my heart and soul. So how do I get one without moving into the other?

The other night, just as we were drifting off to sleep, this wonderful man whispered, "I love you." He was sleeping, so his subconscious shared with me how he feels, and since he's read these blogs, he knows how I feel, yet we hold back saying it directly. Hindsight? Second guessing? It's probably a bit of both.

I bring a lot more into this relationship than he does. I have a child, a dog, and a cat. I represent a COMMITMENT—yes, in big capital letters. That's freaky for even the best man to accept, especially after only a month of dating. I respect his desire to hold back a bit because of all of that. If I were in his shoes, I'd be scared too. Hell, I'm not in his shoes and I'm scared!

Ironically, many posts have been coming up in my Facebook feed lately about relationships. They say that a good relationship needn't be hard; instead, it should feel comfortable. They suggest that "the one" is the person with whom you can be 100% yourself and still feel accepted. I have been my crazy uncensored self with this man I love, and I do feel completely accepted. He's told me that I'm not like any woman he's dated, and I think that difference is what has allowed him to be himself with me. We've both let down our guards, and it is glorious.

So while hindsight tells me to be unsure, to second guess, and not to jump, my heart tells me this is the man I'm supposed to be with. This relationship is the happiness I've searched for. I've kissed a lot of frogs in my day, and this man is the prince.

Perspectives and Priorities

What a difference a few years make.

I haven't written regularly in this blog since the last time I was dating someone, more than two years ago. It seems that when I am dating someone, I get more reflective on life in general and have more to say. It's not that I don't think when I'm completely single, but I guess I think more when I have a man in my picture.

So I took some time today and reread the blogs I wrote those years ago. What an interesting perspective to have had then and to have now. Truly. In some ways, I've grown so much, and in some, I'm still learning.

When I read a blog about taking my time with the last man I dated, I had to laugh. Time? We had sex on our second date. That's no time at all. There was no foundation. And since I'm a woman, sex releases those endorphins that make me (and all other females, I guess) feel loving feelings. A house of cards is all you build when it's based on having sex on date two.

Currently, I am dating someone whom I have to say I love. I am not "in love" with him, but I can sense myself falling in that direction. And surprisingly, we did take our time. Although my friends likely assume someone as sexually charged as I am is jumping into bed the moment a handsome man says hello, with this man, we waited three weeks—and we actually knew each other for three months before our first date.

The difference here is that I began to love this man before our clothes came off. He won me over with his old-fashioned chivalry, his genuine interest in me, and his overwhelming kindness. On my list of things I had been seeking in a man, he hits few of what I would have considered the "big" ones. But there's chemistry there, and it's hard to deny. When I think of him, I smile.

What's changed now is that I wasn't looking for this wonderful man. On our first date, I told him what I'd told my business coach at the beginning of the year: Finding a relationship has not been a priority for me. I am extremely happy in my life and haven't felt the need to add anything. However, should a relationship present itself, I wouldn't go running.

Well, that relationship is here.

So far, it's easy, lighthearted, and fun. We're learning to dance. We kiss for hours. We hold hands and laugh together. Back in those old blogs when I was discussing what I wanted in a potential relationship, I was more or less describing what I have now. No pressures, no need to plan what will happen next year, and no urgency to do anything more than spend time together. It's refreshing. He dropped the trump by calling me his girlfriend, and that freaked me out. ME! But instead of overthinking it, I took a deep breath and said to myself, It's okay; enjoy.

And I very much am.

Love Came

Write a list, they said,

of all the traits I wanted in a man.

So the list was made,

and I outlined the perfect plan.

But love didn’t come.

Go out and date, they said.

Eventually I would meet the right guy.

So I posted an online profile

and wished and hoped the sparks would fly.

But love didn’t come.

Frustration set in,

and I threw my list away.

Instead, I concentrated on my life,

living to the fullest each and every day.

My life was full, happy, and fun

as I focused on smiling and being with my son.

But something was missing still.

Then you appeared, the man who didn’t meet my requirements

yet found the place inside of me I had been longing to fill.

Sometimes, when we stop looking,

we find exactly what we desire.

That wonderful man who makes me smile

and fills my heart and soul with a burning fire.

It was then that love came.