Dating is challenging enough, but it gets even more complicated when you think about the fact that our generation has no rules. Our parents didn't have sex until they married, and they knew the steps: courting, dating, going steady, getting engaged, getting married... and THEN sex. It was completely different than how we manage dating now, which sometimes starts with sex. And sometimes it doesn't even get past that.
Unfortunately, while most human beings crave sex, there's no set timeline as to when it should occur in a dating situation. What is for sure is that most men say that if a woman has sex with them too soon, it's over. But if it's been awhile, the tension can be unbearable. So what's a girl to do?
The other day, I was talking about this dilemma with a girlfriend, and she pointed out that's why she has ex-boyfriends in her mix. She is currently dating a new guy (three weeks in) and calls on the ex as needed to help keep her mind in the game. That's a great idea — if you have an ex on whom to call. When I lived in NY, I had a friend to call (I even visited him once after I moved to AZ), but here, my exes are in that category for good reason. I've not stayed friends with any of them. So I can either ramp up with a new guy just for sexual release, or I can float by on my own until I find someone worthy of dating. And, yes, I've been choosing the latter.
Apparently, though, a quick survey of many of my female friends shows that most don't have such a burning desire (or is that a need?) for sex. They're content to use their vibrators twice a month and call it good. They look at me funny when I say that sex is one of my main considerations in life, much less in a relationship. So I seem to be in the minority.
What do you think? Is it a good idea to have a little something-something in the wings while you continue to look for "the one"?
Although I don't think of it as a deal-breaker, I'd probably be a little put-off if I found out that the woman who was waiting until the ?th date with me was being physically intimate with some other guy while I was dating her. I can't really explain why. Maybe because it'd be easier for me to suspect that she'd keep her relationship with that other guy going even after I'd become physical with her. Maybe it's because it would seem to me that she had less "skin in the game" than I, as it were.
ReplyDeleteGreat point. Do you think that men do this, though?
DeleteI have to agree with the previous commenter; I would be a bit put-off as well though I guess the reasons are indeed a bit nebulous. I will say that I think part of the reason why so many men seem unwilling to commit to any kind of relationship is because they want to maintain any situations they have like you describe. While sex should be not be something to be held hostage until a man is willing to show some commitment, having it so freely available from tons of women (it is SO not hard to just get laid these days, which I guess I find unfortunate) does not really encourage some men to look too seriously at any one opportunity. They can get everything they want and never commit. Ever.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. It's too bad, really. :-(
Delete