The FB Dance

It's been a year since I dated anyone. Sure, I've been on dates, but intimacy (or even a second date, for that matter) hasn't hit my radar in 12 calendar months. So, well-meaning friends have stepped up to help with the suggestion that I take on an FB (some have even volunteered themselves). I've thought about it, of course; a year of celibacy will make one think about a lot of things. My issue, though, is that setting up an FB is about the same amount of work as setting up a person to date, so if I'm going through that dating ritual, why would I limit myself?

If I meet someone out in the world with the intention of becoming FBs, I still need time to "rev up." In other words, I'm not planning to jump into the sack with anyone right away. We still have to get to know each other and develop some kind of connection before the clothes come off. And then there's the whole rigamarole after we're naked: What do you like? What do I like? How do we fit together? It's exhausting just thinking about it!

What I would rather have is, as I'm calling it, a lease with an option to buy. There are no guarantees in life, and I can't know now where things will end up next week or next year, but why not keep that door open?

For me, there are only two ways an FB situation can work:

1. If one or both of us is married.
2. If we dated in the past and we're recycling. 

I've had FBs in both of those situations, and I'll be honest with you: the first doesn't feel all that good. Although I've never cheated on a partner, if he is, I don't feel good about that either. I have, however, recycled people from time to time, and that's pretty awesome. Even after years of not seeing an ex, when I visited the area where he lived, we were able to easily fall into old patterns—if only for the weekend. There were no expectations and no awkwardness because, although we cared for each other, there was no deep emotion to mess up the purely physical component.

In our casual, disposable society, few people seem willing to latch on for an adventure together, but they're more than willing to roll in the hay a bit. It's frustrating, and it's keeping me from enjoying the ups and downs a relationship can offer.