Monday, November 5, 2012

The Definition of an Alpha Male

I have a number of non-alpha male friends who, from time to time, share with me that they think alpha men are not what I should seek. They are the assholes of the dating world, they say, and just looking for an easy bedding.

While I understand we all have different perspectives, that sounds more like they're saying I really want them, the nice guys that they are who will take care of me. I know how we sometimes want so badly to be what we think that person wants that we will try to convince them that what they're seeking isn't it. I've been there. It never works.

So, to clear the air, I will "define" an alpha male for you. (Here's another good blog on the traits of an alpha.) I know some, and they are definitely strong men who are gentle. While they certainly could play those games to get a woman in bed, at their core, they are kind and thoughtful; if they find a woman they respect, they will be the perfect pair.

An alpha male is typically a D on the DISC assessment.
If you're not familiar with DISC, you can do a search for it on the Web and learn more. In a nutshell, D stands for dominant, and it means these people are straight shooters who are honest, direct, and strong. They don't waffle or play games. They are in charge and respect others who speak their minds.

An alpha male respects women.
There are the dicks at the bar looking to get laid, but they are not alpha men (most of the time); they're just assholes. Alpha men appreciate the softness of a woman and will go out of their way to take care of and protect the women they love.

An alpha male is self-confident.
One of the most alluring aspects of an alpha man is his confidence. He is not a pompous ass, but he knows his mind. He doesn't question everything he does or says; he acts from a place of relaxed self-assuredness.

An alpha male pays attention.
Alpha men don't have to ask if a woman is interested in them. They can read the signs. They will only make a move if they're 99% sure they won't get rejected. And if they do get rejected, they don't take it personally. They learn from the mistake, apologize, and move on.

An alpha male knows when "no" means "no" — and when it doesn't.
An asshole will push right through that "no," sometimes leading to dire consequences; he is there for one purpose and one purpose only. Because alpha men respect women and pay attention, they rarely get themselves in situations where the woman is having to choose. They know the difference between "I really don't want you" and "I want you, but you have to try harder."

For me, when I am with alpha men, I find myself feeling much more feminine and, of course, highly turned on. Even someone I wouldn't find traditionally attractive jumps up that scale when he is confident and alpha. If you're a man and unsure what women really want from a man, read my friend's blog, which explains the balance I mean. But be warned: You can only pretend to be an alpha for a short time; it is an air that surrounds you, and if you don't have it, you just don't.

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