'Tis the Season

With just a few days until Christmas, I am feeling the love in the air. What is it about the holiday season that makes me want to grab some cocoa and cuddle in front of a warm fire with someone special? And while I definitely have someone special in my life — and he's a great cuddler — it's not quite the same as having a grown man in my life.

It's not all the time that I long for a partner, but it seems I'm not alone in this desire for someone with whom to share the holidays. For the past three days, my online profile has been blowing up with emails from a number of men. Is everyone hoping to make an instant love connection before the 25th? While I don't think that's quite possible, it's interesting that we're all looking together.

Maybe it's because I've been fighting a cold/flu for a few days, but I've also been dreaming about (the completely wrong-for-me) men and been a little horndog. In my dreams, I've been casting a wide net, which is rare for me. Instead of a super-hot, Abercrombie model, I've been thinking about kind-of-goofy guys who are into comic books. These guys would be a lot of fun, and we'd have tons in common, but that's a friend, right? I want to have a good physical connection to be more than just buddies at Comicon.

And of course, in the way that my mind wanders, that got me thinking about whom I CAN attract versus whom I DO attract. Historically, I have attracted men who are weaker (beta) and looking for a strong woman. What I want is a strong (alpha) man who appreciates an educated, strong-minded woman.

In working with my business coach on the business I am attracting, we went back to the thought of be - do - have: I am being the best damn copywriter and editor in the business, focused on delighting my clients; once my mindshift changes, what I attract changes. So I thought, why can't I do the same with my personal life? If I am being a confident, beautiful woman who makes her man feel appreciated and loved, shouldn't that man show up for me? Hey, it's worth a shot.

Although I don't think I'll meet him in the next four days. :-)

Inside the Brain of a ... Woman?

I have a male friend who writes erotica. I've read some of his stuff, as well as his blog, and I'm pretty sure we share the same brain. This man is the epitome of an alpha male: he is strong, confident, and very sexually charged. I, of course, am an alpha female, and I am all of those things too. He and I are two halves of the same whole.*

I've been told by a few of my male friends (this one included) that I don't think like most women. I am either a unicorn (because they don't exist in nature) or a man. Apparently, I am more sexually driven than most women are, although I don't make stupid choices and run around town jumping into bed with every man I meet. In fact, in the past two years, I have only been with one man. I can't seem to find a man who wants a woman like me. I think I scare them.

At our core, men want to be dominant and women want to be submissive. It's how we're wired. I don't mean that men have to be assholes and women have to be doormats; there's compromise in all things. What I mean is that men need to step up to the plate a lot more than they have been.

This friend wrote a blog for men about how to be on a first date. Get there early. Stand when she comes into the room. Push in her chair. Talk about her. And if you feel the timing and chemistry are right, kiss her: gently at first and then more forcefully, pulling her hair a little and pinning her to the wall. That's what most women want, even if too many are too afraid to say it.

I'm not afraid. I know what I want. I want a true man who is confident, kind, and assertive. I want a man who is gentle yet knows how to read the signs. I want a man who appreciates a woman who has a strong mind yet will acquiescence in the right situations. Of course, I've been single for four years now and still haven't found that man. In fact, I don't think I've ever dated a man like that. Which is sad, really, not just for me but for all women. Where have the men gone?


*You may wonder why this man and I are not dating. Believe me, I have tried, but he doesn't want a relationship. I represent something much more than he is looking for. So instead of moving anywhere, we remain platonic friends.