Big Thinking

I'm a big thinker. I always have been. I remember being seven or eight and considering my place in the universe and how little and insignificant I was within the bigger picture. Because of the way I thought, I knew that when I had a child, he or she would be a big thinker, even way before my son entered the world. (He is, of course.)

One might think that "thinking" is a good thing, and generally, one would be right. It's good to exercise the brain and think outside the box to realize better solutions. However, sometimes thinking too much is a big hindrance to life — especially when it comes to dating. That's when we start calling it "mental masturbation," and I am quite guilty of doing that.

Lately, I've been thinking about that big question: Do I want to have someone in my life? Although my standard response is no, I think the truth is that "no" encompasses most people. But I'm not looking for most people; I'm only looking for one.

And sure, I love my life the way it is. I am still not eager to change everything to accommodate another person joining me, at least not right at the moment. It will take me some time to be at that place. But recent circumstances have made me wonder if there's a possibility that I could have that partnership in my life. I'll admit that I miss having a strong arm around me or a caring voice to share the day's events. But the time and energy needed to find that are, well, something I'm not willing to spend.

Today on Facebook, this came up in my feed, and it really spoke to me:

This is not the partner I want: the one who isn't available and is unsure how to share his feelings. I want the strong man who doesn't want to play games and can tell me what's in his heart. The question, then, is where are such men? And will thinking this much about a man like that make him appear?